Haven't posted in awhile.....

I've been working on training Blob. He seems to now understand that a loud yell in his direction means I need something.

Caring and Blob just got a new piece of furniture called a "Futon". It looks a bit like a couch on a budget to me, but I saw Blob wrestling with some giant sort of coat to cover the futon cushion with. He then put it on a giant metal frame. Jax and I immediately tried it out. Its in Caring's new room with a bunch of other new furniture that I really like. She bought a glass covered desk that is so nice and cool to the touch. Sadly I keep leaving my foot prints on the glass, which is a dead giveaway that I've been there. As soon as I can figure out how to work the bottle on that blue spray I'll take care of it and be able to cover my tracks.

Yesterday I spent all day at a window watching what El Ownero Humungo said was a "lightning bug". This bug did nothing but sit on the window all night, occasionally lighting up for a few seconds like that faulty neon sign at the No-Tell Motel I stayed at in Des Moines before I wound up in Kentucky. Lightning? Looked more like one of those crappy compact flourescent bulb that Blobbo decided to replace 99% of the lights in the house with. If he's REALLY that concerned about the environment, perhaps he could consume 75% less junk food and Starbursts. I'm getting tired of stepping on the labels.

I'm so cute!

Sorry. Just have to tell the world.

What Will it Take To Get me Some Whole Wheat?

Yesterday I woke up to a window full of white stuff. Everyone kept calling it snow. All I could think was that it was put down to hinder my escape. Easier to track me down. Blob had a fit about going out in it to get Caring and him something to eat. Sissy. Caring went anyway, and then Blob got all bent out of shape about her parking in the street. If she were bright, she'd have parked it on his bloated carcass. That would have kept it from rolling down the driveway.

Speaking of causing bodily harm, I tried to knock Blob down today with a 2 liter bottle. I need to find away to cushion the sound. He keeps hearing me before I can get it to the floor. He drinks some sort of prescription by the gallon. Dr. Thunder fills the generic prescription. Dr. Pepper fills the brand name. I've been trying to get Dr. Kevorkian to fill a third, but I've had no luck using the 400 pound phone on the wall.

Caring is super mad at me these days seems she has issues with me chewing on rolls of paper towels, calling me "her little puppy." I lived with puppies for several days. Comparing me to those crazy people pleasers is the last straw. Of course, she drinks something called Sprite, and in little silver cylinders that she keeps in that big black safe on the wall, so I've not figured out how I'm going to get back at her. Maybe if I put some "minerals" of my own from the cat box into her mineral makeup.

She doesn't realize that I'm chewing on paper towels because I am not getting enough fiber in my diet. Ever since Blob switched me to something called "Indoor Formula Cat Chow" I've not been regular. Sammy needs a good poopy. You'd think she'd get the hint and get me some decent granola, or at least some Fibercon. Nope. She just scolds me in a sing-song voice and laughs.

Jax has been a sweetie recently. He gave me a big hug last night and licked my forehead last night, which I guess Blob thought was cute, because he took 500 pictures of me. I hate the paparazzi. Reminds me of the time I was dating Socks when I was doing some spying for the Republican party.

Well, I have to get back to my nap. I'm guessing Caring wants to use the computer, and Blob probably wants it too. GEEKS!

Haven't posted in awhile.....

Blob has been hogging the computer with something he calls About.com. It would be nice if he would do something about.com feeding us more often (like three times a day) and scooping out the litter box once every six months.

My latest way to annoy my captors is something I call "Water Torture". As soon as Caring cleans the counter, I jump up on it and stick my head and feet into my water bowl, slinging it every which way. This gets my paws nice and wet so I can leave nice paw prints everywhere I go.

Jaxboy has been a good friend, if a bit dim. He still can best me in a wrestling match, but I can easily get away by running in between the railing supports, where he can't fit. My ultimate goal is getting him to chase me really fast and then running between the supports to see if he'll follow and get stuck. Then I'll smack him in the face until someone comes to free him. If I do it right, maybe they'll have to use a saw.

Well, Blob set another 2 liter on the counter. I think I'll see if I can get him to come running by knocking it off.

Just gets stranger....

A few nights ago they went out and stood in the rain, apparently to watch a group of rocks roll down a hill in the rain at a place where horses race. Blob said they paid over $200 for the honor of seeing this event. They came home late that night soaking wet wearing these odd red T-shirts that had a pair of oversized lips and a tongue on them with horses in the middle.

They were singing some odd song, "I know, it's only rocks that roll, but I like it."

I knew they were boring, but paying $200 to watch pebbles roll down the hill makes me wonder if they aren't insane to boot.

Am I some sort of diety?

Maybe my purpose here has finally become clear. Today Maggie, Caring and the Blob were all excited about some upcoming event. Blog went downstairs and made 50 trips up with boxes of stuff for something they call Halloween. Inside each of the boxes were several odd items, including skeletons, ugly women with funny hats, what looked like sheets with eyeballs, and several black cats that looked like me, including one that screamed bloody murder everytime you pressed his paw. When I climbed up on a shelf to get a better view, Caring laughed and said, "Looks like we have another decoration this year!"

I saw blob inflating a gigantic version of me with an equally large fruit in the yard. It's obvious that this is some sort of religious ritual and I'm the centerpiece. Am I their God? And if I am, couldn't they find something better to feed me than these brown pellets they keep putting in my bowl? Where does Jax fit in to all of this? Is he one of my disciples?

I believe it's all coming together. Perhaps I can escape this dungeon by writing a message to Caring that she should release me and go sacrifice Blob in front of the giant Samantha out in the yard. I'll try it and see what happens. Until next time... Purrfect Dreams and May Your Litter Always Be Scooped!

Get them some Cat Lax

Everyone in the house appears to have a hairball. They're coughing and hacking, but nothing's coming up. It's not hard to see Blob with a hairball, given his general furryness and the stuff falling off his head, but I don't understand Maggie and Caring.

They also all keep taking what I have to guess are illegal substances. Both Caring and Rob kept taking foil packages of HUGE pills and dropped them in water. They bubbled like some sort of caldron of acid. Then they drank them down, with disgusted looks on their faces.

I thought it was medicine, but they both kept coughing. I have to assume its some method they use to get high, because I often see them zoned out after they take it, watching the big silver window like zombies.

I'm thinking of giving them some laxitives during the night. If it doesn't clear up their hairballs, it will at least be fun to watch.